this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
