my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
