guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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