i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
