yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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