I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
