Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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