dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
