Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
