i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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