Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
