I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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