During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
