Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
