i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
