u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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