I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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