what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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