end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My hand turned me down
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A+ Viking dick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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