I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
