Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
