I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
