What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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