I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
