How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
