Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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