Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
