over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
