I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
