So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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