marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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