I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
