there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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