She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize