This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
