I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So many bounce houses so little time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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