I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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