Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
