He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
