So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
