idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
