hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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