Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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