i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
