I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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