My balls are so social today.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
