I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
