hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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