i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
