lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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