SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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