roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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