and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
