do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
