Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
