I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
