Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
