I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
