what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
