You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
