Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
