Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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