so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
