How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
