You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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