I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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