I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
