Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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