she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
