he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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