We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize